I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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