Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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