I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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