I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
