you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize