Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
