Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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