I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we're so committed to being not committed
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