First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
