I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
