The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
