She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
