I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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