respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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