Whod you bang
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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