My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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