And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
