The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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