forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
