I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
