420 ftw
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize