I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
