I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
