my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
