If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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