Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
