I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize