apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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