you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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