you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
