I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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