I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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