I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize