Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize