You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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