I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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