soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
