don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
