He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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