so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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