i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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