I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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