Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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