Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
