I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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