I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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