glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
