he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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