Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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