Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
