: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
