i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
