Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
