Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
