Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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