And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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