So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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