3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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