Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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