I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This baby is an asshole
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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