he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
