Already got asked if we're dating
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
