you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
