so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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